


and im trying to hold on

by orphan_account



Series: now im holding on for dear life [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer
Genre: 5SOS - Freeform, Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hate, Kids, Lashton - Freeform, Love, M/M, Muke - Freeform, Sad, Smut, at first muke hate each other, may be triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:38:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5571476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Luke was thirteen when he saw the most beautiful pair of eyes. Green. All he saw that day was green. Each minute, the same shade of green would burst wildly though his mind, and he realized that no grass or leaves would be the same pretty shade. No emerald or jade could shine brighter than Michael Clifford's eyes.</p><p>or, </p><p>the one where Luke has a bit of trouble in life but ends up being the happiest person on Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and im trying to hold on

The Luke was thirteen when he saw the most beautiful pair of eyes. Green. All he saw that day was green. Each minute, the same shade of green would burst wildly though his mind, and he realized that no grass or leaves would be the same pretty shade. No emerald or jade could shine brighter than Michael Clifford's eyes.

Green became his favorite color.

"What are you staring at?" Calum asked.

Luke shrugged. "Nothing, just spaced out. I stayed up all night playing FIFA."

"Mhmm." Calum hummed, unconvinced. "Right."

The blonde boy let out a small puff of breath of relief. He couldn't just tell his friend that he was staring at Michael, who was a dude, a cute dude.

Luke gritted his teeth in frustration. He wasn't supposed to think guys were cute. He was a thirteen year old boy who should be thinking about girls in high school.

"You look upset," Calum stated and placed his hand on Luke's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Luke said through gritted teeth. "Really, you don't have to ask." He urged and pushed Calum's hand off him.

"Luke-"

He sighed and rolled his eyes at Calum. "I'm fine, Cal!" He reassured him once more, but his voice was louder this time.

"I'm just asking. What's up your butt?"

Luke slumped against the school walls and let out a long groan.

I wish it was Michael Clifford's dick, he thought as he stared annoyedly at his friend.

"What did you just say?" Calum asked with wide brown eyes.

And that's how Luke came out to Calum.

 

* * *

 

 

It was now freshman year for Luke.

Green was still his favorite color.

The sound of other teenagers' conversations mixed with lockers slamming shut was intimidating to Luke.

He relieved himself by reminding himself of Calum and how he would be there for him.

It was mystery to Luke on how to unlock the locks on lockers. He twisted the dial, inputting the combination, but it remained locked. He yanked the lock several times in frustration, but it was no use.

"Look at the freshie trying to open his locker!" A low, loud voice erupted from the hallway. The outburst was followed by a couple of others snickering.

"What a dumbass," A female insulted him this time. She sounded like a typical valley girl. "Even my six year old brother knows how to open a locker."

Luke couldn't help but to feel embarrassed as he looked down at his trembling hands. He bit his lip as hard as he could to avoid crying. Crying in front of older kids wouldn't help him get through high school.

He tried to open his locker once more but failed. The group of teenagers that were laughing at him and making fun of him earlier started to ridicule him again.

"C'mon, guys. Quit laughing at the poor kid. He's only like fourteen." Finally someone was defending him. "Here, let me help you with that."

It was a boy who stood up for him. He had golden curly hair, hazel eyes, and a huge grin on his face that made him look like a huge ball of sunshine.

"Those guys are assholes." He mumbled to Luke as he fiddled with the lock. "What's your combo?"

"19,3,8."

It unlocked, and the stranger pulled the lock out and opened the locker for Luke with a smile on his face.

He explained to Luke how to unlock his locker with simple steps that were understandable. He liked this guy that introduced himself as 'Ashton Irwin'. Ashton was sixteen years old and a junior, and Luke wondered why a junior bothered to help Luke.

"See you later, Luke." Ashton said before he left.

Luke waved bye and began to stare at the open school doors. Calum was on his mind. He was supposed to meet him at his locker fifteen minutes ago. It was almost time for Luke to go to class, and he was anticipating to walk to his first class with Calum since they had it together. But now he had to walk by himself.

He arrived to class five minutes early. It wasn't much for Luke, but he was glad that he wasn't late. That would have been even more awkward than arriving early.

"Welcome, class!" The teacher, Mr. Roland, greeted as soon as the bell rang. "I will be your biology teacher for the rest of the year."

Luke tuned out the rest of his introduction as he searched for Calum. He finally spotted him at the back of the classroom by locating the back of his messy dark hair. He was sitting next to a boy with light blonde hair, even lighter than Luke's. The boy had green eyes and pale skin. Green eyes that he recognized as Michael Clifford's. A tiny gasp escaped his mouth, but no one around him seemed to have heard it.

 

-

 

"Cal! Calum!" Luke called out to him in the cafeteria during lunch time.

He was still glued to Michael's side and was talking with him. Their conversation must have been funny because Michael and Calum laughed and grinned every once in a while.

"Calum," Luke called once more as he sat at the table with them, out of breath. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

"Oh," Calum squirmed awkwardly and let out a deep breath. "Hey."

Luke raised an eyebrow in confusion. calum never acted this awkward around him. He looked over at Michael who was glaring at him as if he has done something wrong.

"You didn't tell me the fag was going to sit with us." Michael spat, keeping his piercing glare directed towards Luke.

"Fag?" Luke said with disbelief and shock. "I'm not a-"

Michael chuckled bitterly. "Save it. Calum told me what you are and that you had a crush on me in middle school," He stopped for a moment and smiled smugly at Luke, who was looking at Calum with wide eyes. "When he told me, I almost threw up and felt like dying."

"What's wrong with being gay?" Luke asked defensively. "They're human beings, just like everyone in the world."

"Gay people aren't 'human'. They're disgusting creatures that should be killed. I'd be happy to exterminate them all from this world. I would start with you."

Luke cocked an eyebrow at Michael. "Is that a threat?" He felt a sudden urgency to put the bastard in his place. "If gay people aren't human then neither are you. The way you're acting isn't even close to human. By the way, I wouldn't mind reporting to the principal about you're threat."

"Go ahead, snitch. You know what everyone says: Snitches are bitches." Michael scoffed.

"Actually, it's snitches get stitches, dumbass." Luke corrected in an irritated manner. He focused back on Calum who was staring down at his half eaten sandwich. "Thanks for sticking up for me," Luke said sarcastically. "-not. If you'd rather be friends with this asshole than you're best friend, be my guest. Just don't come running back to me when you realize he's treating you like crap. Oh, and thanks for telling the bastard a secret I promised you with. Proves that you're just as much of a bastard."

Then he walked away briskly, tears of anger and sadness threatening to fall from his eyes.

Green was no longer his favorite color.

 

* * *

 

 

Freshman year passed by like a speeding car. Luke accepted the fact that Calum didn't want to hang out with him and decided to hang out with Ashton. He was certain the older boy didn't mind hanging out with a younger boy since he always ranted about how people in his class were obnoxious douchebags.

Now Luke was a sophomore, and Ashton was a senior. He was on his last year of high school, and Luke was scared. Ashton was the only reason bullies strayed away from him, and he would be gone, leaving the blonde boy vulnerable to bullies, including Michael.

It was almost time for Ashton to go, and it was already winter break.

"I don't want you to go, Ash." Luke whined as he collapsed onto his own bed. "You can't just leave me for some college."

Ashton chuckled and ruffled the blonde boy's hair. "I'll visit, I swear. You'll have Niall and Liam.

"But they can't protect me like you do." Luke argued. He sighed, signaling that he let the topic go. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," Ashton replied. "Hey." He said to Luke when he noticed him frowning, looking down at the floor so he placed a hand on his knee for comfort.

Luke looked back up at Ashton and gave him a half smile. "Sorry that I'm being so clingy. I just- You've been a great friend to me and stuff."

Ashton smiled at him, but there was an obvious spark of sadness that flashed in his hazel eyes. "Y'know, you're not like that lost freshman anymore that didn't know how to open his damn locker." The last part made Luke hit Ashton. "Okay, okay." Ashton continued. "Now you're this independent sophomore that kicks ass in school and puts Michael Clifford in his place during debate. And I really enjoyed being around you for almost every day of my junior and senior year, though my senior year isn't over yet. I'm really going to miss you, Niall, and Liam."

"Ash.." Luke said in awe. "You're not going to cry, are you? I mean, you've only known me for a year and a couple months."

"And during that year and a couple months you really grew on me."

Luke was now wearing a full on smile that made Ashton laugh.

"I'm not going to be able to live with myself if I don't do this before I leave." He then mumbled to himself, but Luke heard as well.

"Do wha-" Before Luke could reply, a pair of lips that belong to Ashton are crashing into his.

Their lips move in sync, and Luke felt himself practically melt into it and into Ashton's touch as he put a large hand onto Luke's hip, pushing him down softly onto the bed so that he was laying down.

Ashton went down with him as well but remained on top of him. He deepened the kiss and surprised Luke as he ran his tongue along his bottom lip. He let out a small gasp and grabbed a handful of Ashton's curls to tug him down further so that they're bodies were touching, molding together.

Eventually, Ashton was the first to pull away and look at Luke with red cheeks.

Luke was flushed as well and smiled shyly at Ashton. "That was.." He trailed off.

"I'm so sorry," Ashton quickly apologized, running a hand through is messy hair. "I should've asked. I just- I don't know if I'm into guys or into just you. Maybe-" He stopped himself and groaned. "That sounded stupid. Okay, Luke. I love you."

"I-I love you too." Luke stammered. "You're really nice and sweet, and I grew attached to you?"

"Alright, Hemmings. Up for make out session two?" Ashton asked with a cheeky grin on his face.

Luke nodded in approval and waited as Ashton placed his lips on his once again.

 

-

 

"Everyone's staring, Ash." Luke mumbled to his boyfriend as they walked through the halls, their hands locked together like it was hiding away something special.

"Relax, baby. They're just jealous because they didn't get themselves a hot blonde over winter break." Ashton reassured him. "I'll protect you, I promise."

In the corner of his eye, Luke noticed a pretty brunette girl glaring at him and ranting to her friend. She was obviously not happy that Ashton was with a sophomore who was a guy.

This made Luke relax a bit and smile. It made him happy that he had the best, hottest senior boy.

"Something funny, Luke?" Ashton asked him with a confused look.

"Nope," He shook his head and flashed a grin at the brunette girl who was glaring. Her eyes widened, and she stormed off to the bathroom, her friend following quickly. "Nothing is funny."

 

-

 

"That is where the dark cycle, or as I most commonly call it: the Calvin cycle. It takes place in the stroma, not the thylakoids." Mr. Roland continued the lecture on photosynthesis, but Luke became distracted when a certain boy who dyed his hair recently tapped on his shoulder. 

Luke turned his head slightly to Michael, who was sitting next to him, playing with his newly dyed brown hair. 

"What?" He hissed. 

"I heard you got yourself a senior boy," Michael began. "What'd you do? Poison him? Infect him?" 

"He grew on me, and I grew on him. He was literally the only nice person to me on the first day of high school." 

Michael rolled his eyes and chuckled bitterly. "Right. By the way, you're going to get crushed in debate today." 

"You wish, Clifford." 

 

-

 

Luke rummaged through Ashton's messy closet, looking for anything decent for him to bring to wear at his new college.

A bright orange t shirt appeared in his hands. It had a big smiley face on it with the words 'Always Happy' printed under it. 

He couldn't help but giggle at it because the shirt did describe Ashton, who was always happy. There wasn't a day when Luke hasn't seen him smiling or laughing. 

"Are you going through my clothes?" Ashton's voice emitted through his room filled with boxes. 

Luke dropped the shirt in shock and turned to stare at Ashton wide eyed. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt and cast his eyes downward to the ground when he caught a glimpse of Ashton's angry face. 

"I'm sorry. I just thought you'd want help packing some stuff." He apologized quickly. 

Then Ashton started laughing and went over to Luke, picking him up easily and carrying him to the bed. "I was just kidding, babe. I'd never get mad at you over something so petty." 

Luke was then placed on the bed lightly. 

"I just want you to relax." Ashton explained. "I'm almost done packing anyways." 

He nodded in response and grabbed Ashton's wrist, pulling him down onto him. 

"I'm ready, Ash." He whispered. 

"What?" 

Luke took a deep breath then exhaled. "I want you to be my first. I want to have sex with you before you leave."

Ashton got off of Luke and took a seat next to him on the bed. "I don't want you to feel rushed.. We don't have to do this. Besides, it's not like I'm going away forever. I'll visit." 

"Yeah, but you'll be focused on college and work." 

It was silent for a moment before Ashton spoke up. "If you really want to, then I'll do it." 

Luke nodded. "I want you, Ash." 

Ashton nodded back and kissed Luke. 

This kiss was filled with passion and lust. He put a hand on Luke's  jean covered thigh and slowly dragged it to the inside of his thigh. Then he dragged it upward to his crotch, palming it through the fabric. 

Luke let out a small moan into the kiss and blushed as Ashton pulled back and looked at him with amusement. 

Ashton then played with the hem of Luke's shirt and pulled it off with one swift motion, also removing his own in the process. The shirts end up somewhere in the room, but neither of the two seem to mind at the moment. 

He attached his lips to Luke's jaw and bites down gently also sucking at it to relax Luke. He slowly dragged his tongue along the smooth skin of Luke's neck and stopped at the middle to suck on it, earning another moan from Luke. 

He pushed Luke onto the bed so he was lying down and brought one hand up to play with one of his nipples. He pinched it lightly and went down to put it in his mouth and brought it between his teeth, grinding them together softly. 

Luke's back arched, and he lets out a high pitched whimper. "F-Fuck, Ash." 

Ashton hummed as he continued to suckle on Luke's nipple, bringing his other hand to play with his other.

He loved how responsive Luke was to his touch and how sensitive he was. 

"Ashton.." Luke moaned. "C'mon." 

He pulled away and smirked at Luke. "Come on what?" 

"Just fuck me or touch me, please." He begged. 

"I did touch you." 

"You know what I mean." Luke whined frustrated. 

Ashton chuckled and unbuttoned and unzipped Luke's jeans. He pulled them down along with his boxers. 

Luke's cock sprang free and rested on his stomach, hard and leaking pre come. 

"You're hard from me just playing with you're nipples?" Ashton questioned. 

"I-It felt good." Luke answered with flushed cheeks. 

"I bet it did." Ashton said with a grin and spread Luke's legs, revealing his small entrance. "Fuck." He mumbled.  

He looks back up at Luke who's completely flushed. He goes back down to Luke's cock and licks a stripe down. Ashton smirks in satisfaction when Luke brings a hand down to clutch at the bedsheets. 

He licks down until he's at Luke's hole. Before going straight in, he circles the rim with his tongue and licks over it a couple times. Finally he plunges his tongue in, moving it in circular motions, enjoying the desperate whimpers that are coming out of Luke's mouth. He finally notices how hard he is and how painful it is to still be wearing his jeans. Not wanting to feel even more painful, he unbuttoned them and removed his boxers and pants.

Luke's back arched as Ashton continued to eat him out, the sound of slurping filling the air. He couldn't help the moans and whimpers that fell from his mouth. 

Ashton pulled away, making Luke whine. 

"This may feel a little weird. I think." He told Luke and circled his rim with one finger. "I've never had like.. Gay sex. But I know how to top?"

This made Luke giggle. "I'm your first boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Ashton inserted his finger inside Luke. "But you're way better than all my other girlfriends." 

Luke's eyebrows furrowed at the foreign feeling. As Ashton pushed it deeper he felt a burning sensation. "It feels weird." 

"I know, but it'll feel good soon." Ashton said, patting Luke's thigh with his other hand. "Okay, babe. I'm going to put a second finger in. That okay?" 

"Mhmm." Luke hummed.

Ashton put the second finger in. "You're doing so good, baby." He praised Luke and caressed the inside of his thigh.

He began to move his fingers that were inside Luke. Luke remained uncomfortable, and Ashton took notice of this and curled his fingers a bit to hit that one-

"Oh shit, A-Ashton!" Luke choked out.

Ashton smiled and continues to thrust his fingers into that one spot which had Luke crying out in pleasure. 

He pulled out, receiving a frustrated groan from Luke. 

He then went into his drawer pulling out some lube and a condom. Quickly, he put the condom on his cock and slathered the cold substance on it. He made sure to put a somewhat large amount so that Luke wouldn't be in a lot of pain.

"Ready, baby?" Ashton asked.

"Ready." Luke confirmed. 

Ashton rested the tip of his cock against Luke's entrance and pushed it in slowly. He heard Luke hiss and intertwined their fingers to give him comfort. 

"Just-just go all the way in." Luke said through gritted teeth.  

He obliged, pushing all the way in until his hips her resting against Luke's ass. 

Luke let out a whimper of pain which made Ashton's heart hurt. 

"We can stop if you-" 

"No!" Luke interrupted quickly. "I know it'll feel good soon." 

Ashton felt Luke tighten his grip of his hand and pulled out and pushed back in. He did this a couple more times until he felt Luke relax a bit. 

Ashton was in bliss. The tightness and warm was of Luke was slowly driving him over the edge, making his sight hazy. 

His control abandoned him, and he thrust into Luke rougher than intended.

"Do that again!" Luke yelped.

Ashton smirked and thrust into Luke again the same way. 

He continued to pound into him sharply and roughly. He enjoyed the way Luke buried his hands in the sheets, clutching them rightly as if it depended on his life. 

"S-So good, Lukey." Ashton groaned as he slammed into Luke. 

His movements were getting sloppy which meant he was close. 

"I'm gonna come, Ash!" Luke let out a choked sob. 

"Me too, baby." 

Luke came first, painting their stomachs white. Ashton came next, burying himself into Luke as far as he could and came into the condom. He pulled out, throwing the condom away and collapsed next to Luke. 

"Wow." Luke's voice was hoarse. 

"Yeah." Ashton said shortly after. 

Before they passed out, Ashton placed a soft kiss on Luke's lip. "I love you. No matter what." 

"Love you too." Luke mumbled back sleepily.

 

* * *

 

 

The hot sunny days rolled into spring. 

Summer break came quickly, and Luke found himself desperately trying to spend as much time as he could with Ashton. 

"So, I was thinking that maybe you could meet my mom and siblings?" Ashton's voice came from the other side of the phone. 

Luke hummed into the speaker and smiled lightly to himself. "I'll think about it. Y'know, I'm home alone." 

"And you know I'm trying to get myself situated in my new apartment." 

"Fine," Luke huffed. "Then maybe I could come over?"

"No," Ashton simply said which kind of hurt Luke. It made him feel unwanted. "I'll come over next week, okay?" 

"Okay." Was all Luke replied back with and hung up the phone. 

The sound of the door bell ringing echoed throughout the house. He found himself rushing downstairs to open the door. 

He believed he made the wrong choice in opening the door because in front of him was Calum Hood, ex best friend, with Michael Clifford, homophobic enemy. 

Luke fought the urge to slam the door in their faces. "What." He demanded. "What the hell do you guys want?" 

"I wanted to talk to you." Calum said almost like he was pleading.

"No, leave." 

Michael smirked. "Did you have something up your ass lately? Maybe your boyfriend's dick?" 

"What-" Luke took a deep breath and glared at him. "You can't just arrive at my doorstep being a total douche." 

"I have the right to do so, especially to gays." 

"You know- What problem do you have with gay people?" Luke basically shouted angrily. "Are you scared of them? Mad at them?"

Michael stared at Luke with a blank face.

"I bet you are gay." Luke pointed out. "You're gay and scared to admit it!"

"This isn't of their cliche gay movies where the bully picks on little fags because he is one. This is real life where those little fags get downgraded and made fun of for being nothing." 

"Both of you shut up!" Calum intervened. "I just- I wanted to talk with you to see if you and Michael could befriend each other." 

"I would never become his friend." Both Luke and Michael burst out in unison. 

Calum sighed. "You two even say things at the same time. This is how I know you two don't really hate each other." 

"Hold on," Luke stopped him. "Why do you want to become my friend again all of a sudden?"

"I realized I made a mistake." 

Luke laughed bitterly. "After a year? Yeah, no thanks." And he slammed the door shut. 

 

* * *

 

 

_Invite to join conversation from ashyyirwin._

_lukeisapenguin has joined the conversation._

_ashyyirwin: babyy me misses u soo much_

_lukeisapenguin: hehe miss u too ash_

_ashyyirwin: i miss ur beautiful face_

_ashyyirwin: especially ur sex face when ur all blissed out_

_lukeisapenguin: r u okay?_

_ashyyirwin: super just uper drunk_

_lukeisapenguin: drunk? :(_

_lukeisapenguin: y r u drunk at 2 am?_

_ashyyirwin: just went to a siick party, anyway how is junior year_

_lukeisapenguin: niall steals my food_

_ashyyirwin: that is fun_

_lukeisapenguin: not really_

_ashyyirwin: true i met a girl here_

_lukeisapenguin: girl?_

_ashyyirwin: ya her name is bryanna omg she is so hot_

_lukeisapenguin: ashton_

_ashyyirwin: hm?_

_lukeisapenguin: ur calling another person hot to ur bf_

_ashyyirwin: we just hooked up dude she was a loud one_

_lukeisapenguin has left the conversation._

_ashyyirwin: luke?_

_ashyyirwin: shit_

 

-

 

Luke spent the rest of his September sulking. He sulked at school, at home, at work, anywhere really. 

"Ashton was drunk," Liam said. "You can't blame him." 

"Yeah, but I thought that he'd have enough control to not fuck someone else when he had a boyfriend! Seriously, who the hell does that?" Luke ranted. "I'm just so pissed, and I can't handle seeing his name flash on my phone screen almost every day." 

Niall was chewing loudly on his food, but the talking of teenagers chatting in he cafeteria overpowered it. "That is pretty fucked up, yo." 

"Did you just say 'yo' in a sentence?" Liam asked warily. 

"Pretty rad, huh?"

Luke shook his head, but there was a small smile on his face; a smile of adoration. 

Niall could make anyone become happy when they were feeling down or having s bad day. It was something Liam, Ashton, and Luke loved about him. 

"Do you think I should call him?" Luke questioned. "Or.."

"If you love him." Liam said. 

Luke smiled. "Of course I love him. I love him so much-"

"I know." Liam interrupted. "Just do it so you two lovebirds can finally make up." 

"And make out." Niall added.

Liam groaned, looking at him with disgust. "Shut up, please."

Luke laughed at the both of them, dialing Ashton's number on his phone.

No answer.

Strange, Luke thought. If someone was so desperate to call you thirty four times, why would they ignore the incoming call?

Right, Luke assured himself. Ashton was probably in school. He'd call later.

 

-

 

But he never called back. 

Luke used the same technique as Ashton; calling nonstop. He assumed Ashton would pick up, but he didn't. Maybe he didn't love him? If he loved him like Luke did, he would have answered the phone. 

 

- 

 

Three days passed. 

There was still no sign of Ashton. 

That was until Luke's phone started ringing, and the caller ID showed Ashton's name with his picture. 

He nearly fell of his bed grabbing the phone from his nightstand. 

"Ashton? Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I haven't answered your calls and stuff. I just got mad that you hooked up with that girl and-" 

"Luke?" That voice definitely did not belong to Ashton. 

It was the voice of a female which sounded broken and familiar. 

"Wha- Who is this? Where's Ashton?" Luke asked. 

"I'm so sorry, Luke. I'm sorry." The woman apologized with a heavy tone. "He's not with us. This is Anne." 

Anne was Ashton's mom. 

"Oh," Luke replied. "I know he's not with you. He's at his apartment." 

"No, honey. I-I mean he's gone."

His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "I don't understand, ma'am." 

Suddenly she started to cry. "He's dead, Luke. He died in a car accident. Police said he was driving drunk at around 2 am. I had no idea where he was going either, but it seemed like he was driving home." 

Luke froze. He couldn't move or feel anything because it felt like something was being ripped from him. No, it felt like something was already ripped and torn away from him. Ashton was gone, torn from him. 

It was like half of his heart was stole and locked away so that the other half inside him would be left suffering, longing for the other side.

"I know I should have told you earlier, but I couldn't. I-I.." And Luke tuned out the rest of Anne's speaking. 

He curled into himself and let out a loud sob that shook his body. 

"You're lying." He heard himself say to Anne. "You're fucking lying! Stop lying to me!" 

It was obvious that Anne hung up, but he continued to scream, to cry at no one. "Ashton." He begged. "He's not dead!" Luke cried. 

And someone barged into his room, rushing over to him to comfort him. It sounded like Jack telling him to calm down. 

Luke shook his head furiously and wiped away the tears rolling down his cheeks. "I-I can't, Jack. He's gone." 

"Who's gone?" Jack questioned calmly.

"A-Ash." Luke choked out. "He's dead, and it's my fault." 

Jack ran a hand through Luke's messy blonde hair. "Hey, bro. It's not your fault. It's no one fault." 

"If I didn't leave the chat and just talked with him he could've- he would've been alive, and we would have been together still, living happily. We were going to get married, get a house, adopt kids, and die old together as we watched our grandkids wander among the house. But he's gone.." His voice trailed off. "I should have-" 

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." Jack warned him. He made Luke look him in the eye. "Don't ever say you should die instead." 

"B-But it's true!" Luke whined pathetically.

"Please, don't." Jack engulfed his brother in a hug. "You're okay. You know it's gonna get better." 

 

 -

 

Halloween came upon Luke in a blur. The rest of Ashton's friends and family were noticed of his death. Luke was still grieving, but Niall convinced him to go to a Halloween party. 

But what he didn't tell Luke was that Michael Clifford was going to be there. 

Luke found himself glaring at the back of his blue fluffy hair. He'd rather stay in his house and cry than come to this party and sit by himself like a loser. He's pretty sure he looks like a lame-o sitting by himself at the kitchen counter, drinking his first beer, maybe second or third. 

"Hey, there." A deep voice greeted him. 

The deep voice belonged to a guy that was taller than him and strikingly gorgeous. He had steely, silver eyes and such a defined cheekbone structure. His pale skin shone under the kitchen ceiling light which contrasted with his black hair. 

"What are you doing sitting here by yourself?" He asked.

Luke shrugged and looked down at the ground, his cheeks flushed from the stranger and from drinking way too much. "Y'know just sulking and shit, yeah." 

"The name's Andrew." He introduced himself. "And you're Luke. Luke Hemmings." 

"Oh." Luke said, a bit weirded out. "You know my name."

"We're in the same pre-calculus class, and may I say you are one hell of a math wizard." 

Luke smiled. It's been awhile since he last smiled. "Thanks, you're not too bad yourself too." 

Andrew laughed. "I get help from tutoring." 

They've reached an awkward stop in their conversation. Luke was about to bring something else up until he felt a hand on top of his thigh, slowly inching it's way to the inside of his thigh. 

"You're really cute, Luke." Andrew whispered into his his ear. 

"Thanks." Luke squeaks. "Can you stop touching me?" 

Andrew chuckled darkly. "No thanks." And his hands move dangerously close to his crotch area, so he jumps from the stool, almost falling on the ground. 

He finds himself being backed up into a wall by Andrew staring at him hungrily. 

Andrew's mouth attacked his neck, giving him marks that he did not want. 

"I bet you haven't gotten laid since Ashton died. Good thing he died though, or else I wouldn't have been able to put my hands on you're tiny little body."

Luke felt sick and angry at Andrew. "How dare you say it's a good thing he died!" He shoved Andrew roughly, but he didn't budge. 

"What? Gonna cry? Go ahead, cry for me."

All Luke could do as Andrew palmed him through his jeans is whimper pathetically and shove him. He was too drunk to do fight back as the hot tears began to build up in his eyes.

"Get your hands off him." A familiar voice ordered, causing Andrew to turn around at him.

Luke caught a glimpse of his defender over Andrew's shoulder. It was Michael. His sworn enemy. His biggest nemesis.

"What are you going to do about it?" Andrew spat at him.

"Step away from him, or I won't hesitate to use force."

Andrew rolled his eyes and walked away from Luke, bumping his shoulder into Michael's on purpose. "Whatever, it's not like I was gonna do anything with the whiny fag."

Once he was gone, Luke let the tears fall from his eyes.

"Hey, um, you okay?" Michael asked him with a hand behind his back. "You're crying."

"Thanks for telling me." Luke scoffed.

"I'm just trying to help you." Michael said defensively.

Luke leaned back against the wall, not bothering to wipe away the tears. "Why do you care now?"

He must be too drunk to function.

Michael shrugged and took a seat on the stool Luke was sitting on earlier. "I'm not a heartless dick."

"Yes you are." Luke claimed bitterly.

"Well, you lost someone you loved." Michael said cautiously, making sure not to say Ashton's name.

"What happened to your irrational hate for gay people?"

Michael shook his head sadly. "It's a long story, really."

"I'm all ears."

"My cousin killed himself," Michael said shakily. "He was like my brother, and I always talked shit about gay people with him like my dad did with me. But what I didn't know was that my cousin was gay, his name was Bryan. I drove him to the brink, and so did his family. And I feel so bad, and I was scared that you were going to kill yourself as well since Ashton died."

Luke saw a few tears escape Michael's green eyes. He no longer saw an evil glint in them. Instead, he saw the same eyes he saw in eighth grade.

 

-

 

"So, what now?" Calum asked with a mouth full of Cheetos. "You guys have been best friends for weeks and haven't told me?" 

Michael gave him a joking look of disgust as he wiped some of Calum's spit off his face. "Can you blame up? You're basically spitting on us." 

"We're not best friends, Cal." Luke corrected. "We just found our differences and similarities, making up." 

"Ha, nice one." Calum snorted and rolled his eyes. 

 

-

 

The he month of December came by once again much to Luke's pleasure. 

He enjoyed how the snowflakes danced down onto his window sill, creating small piles of snow that glistened in the winter sun. They eventually melted the next day. 

"I'm so scared." Michael said from Luke's bed. "Midterms is coming up and- y'know, if I don't pass, my dad will freak." 

"You're moms not that strict?" Luke questioned, his eyes still trained on the falling snowflakes. 

"Oh," Michael sounded disappointed. "She was the sweetest woman I've ever known." 

"Was?" 

Michael sighed. "Nothing." 

And the room went silent once again, leaving the snowflakes to Luke's entertainment. 

Michael has been acting strange ever since November. It may have just been the way he acted usually, but Luke doubted that. Even Calum said that Michael has been different for awhile now. 

It might've been because of his cousin's death. 

But something told Luke that it's been bothering Michael for more than months. 

He had the bruises and marks to prove so.

 

-

 

Michael and Luke were walking along the frosty sidewalk. Michael told Luke that he enjoyed gazing at the dewy grass that glistened in the moonlight.

"Who's hurting you?" Luke asked, a look of worry flashing through his eyes.

Michael just ignored his question and quickened his walking pace. He kept his gaze on the glistening grass.

Luke had to run to keep up with him. "Mikey," He said softly, voice as smooth as silk. "You can tell me. You helped me with Ashton, so I want to help you."

"Luke, stop. You don't have to help me. S-So-just-" Michael stopped walking, staying in place. "I-I can't." He choked out.

"Mikey." Luke urged once more. "I see the bruises on you every single day. You may think that I can't see, but I can see it. Even through the makeup."

"Be quiet. It isn't your business."

"I heard him yelling over the phone the other day and yell profanities at you. I'm not going to let your dad continue to beat you."

Michael was silent for a moment, but he looked up to meet Luke's gaze.

And suddenly Luke was head over heels once again with the middle school Michael. His jade green eyes seemed to stare into his soul. They were screaming for help, but no one seemed to notice. Michael's pale skin glistened as well along with the snow on the side walk.

"My doesn't just beat me," Michael said shakily. "He breaks me every fucking day. I can't believe I was just like that homophobic bastard to hide myself. To hide from my own sexuality." He looked at Luke, who was paying attention carefully. "I-I'm bi, well, I think I'm gay, but my dad would kill me if he found out I was more attracted to guys. He also blames me for my mom's death. 'Says she killed herself because I was a worthless fag. But it wasn't me who gave her the wrong medicine." And everything began to tumble out of his mouth like an avalanche. "A-And-I-"

"Shh.. Mikey, it's okay." Suddenly Luke was hugging Michael as he cried on his shoulder and trembled.

"It's going to be okay, Mikey. I'll always be here for you. You know it's gonna get better." That's what Jack promised him.

His mind drifted off to Ashton, and he felt like he was holding Ashton now. "I love you no matter what." He repeated Ashton's words.

But he didn't know if he said it to Ashton or Michael.

 

-

 

Luke felt awkward standing at Michael's front door, but he needed to put an end to his suffering.

The door opened, revealing a little over middle aged man. "What the hell do you want? You a boy scout?"

By the smell of the man's breath, he could tell he was drunk.

"You must be Mr. Clifford, Michael's dad?"

"Damn boy scouts. Yeah, I'm Daryl. Is there something you want?"

Luke straightened his back out to prove that he was confident. He was ready to save Michael from this cynical bastard. "I want you to stop hurting Michael."

"Oh, so you're his boyfriend?"

"I'm his friend."

Daryl chuckled. "So how are you going to stop me from beating the crap out of my pathetic son?"

"You think they'll believe you? The cops aren't going to listen to two gays."

Luke felt something course in his veins. Anger? Hate? Both. He felt himself pushing Daryl forward into his house, slamming the door shut. They also knocked down a glass vase in the process. 

"You don't see how much you hurt him." Luke stated, glaring at him. "You think you're wife would have wanted you to hurt Michael?"

"Don't bring Karen up. Boy, you don't even know her."

He continued despite what Daryl said. "I know that she wouldn't want the man she loved to be treating her son like shit. You're disappointing her. She hates you."

"Shut the fuck up!" Daryl shouted and landed a punch at Luke's nose. Fresh blood began to pour out of it, but Luke wouldn't stop he was on a roll. He used his hand to ease the bleeding.

"You're a drunk that doesn't know anything about his wife." Anger became more apparent in Luke. "You don't deserve to be associated with Michael, and you never should have married Karen. Michael has told me she was the kindest lady ever, but I wonder how she ended up with a homophobic bastard like you. You're-"

He let out a surprised gasp and felt a sharp exploding pain in his stomach like he was being stabbed.

It was because he was being stabbed by Daryl with a large broken piece of glass. He felt himself fall back onto the sofa, but Daryl kept stabbing him repeatedly with the same piece of bloody glass.

"Never barge into my house and disrespect me! I won't tolerate this, especially from people like you!" Daryl yelled. "Fucking. Die. Already." He punctuated each word with a stab.

"Dad?" Luke heard Michael's voice. "Why are you covered- Oh my god. W-What did you do?"

"Just shut your damn mouth and help me hide him."

Luke wanted to scream and yell that he wasn't dead, but he was too weak. Too weak to push Daryl away. Too weak to handle the rapid blood loss.

As the world turned black and empty, he thought he caught a glimpse of Ashton behind Daryl.

 

-

 

_"Don't let him die."_

_"Please stay with us."_

_"We need you."_

_"I need you."_

_"Wake up!"_

_"I-I need you, Luke."_

_"Don't leave me."_

_"I appreciate you trying to help me."_

_"But you got yourself hurt."_

_"You shouldn't have done this."_

Luke didn't know where he was.

It seemed like he was surrounded by white; it was blinding. It look like there was sunlight shining in one specific place.

The voices seemed to echo in his head. He recognized them as his family's, Calum's, and Michael's.

"Hello?" He called out, but no one replied. "Someone, please." He sobbed, sinking to his knees.

There was someone caressing his hair. It felt too familiar. It felt like - Ashton.

A cry got caught in Luke's throat as Ashton lifted him up and looked at him with a sad smile on his face.

"What were you thinking, Luke?" He asked, and Luke definitely knew he missed that voice way too much because he collapsed into Ashton's arms, sobbing hard.

"Ash, Ash, Ash." He repeated several times. He wanted to make sure he was real. "I missed you so much."

Ashton chuckled lightly and pulled away from Luke, looking him over with his hazel eyes. "I'm dead, Luke."

"What?" And that's when realization struck Luke. "Then, I'm.."

"Not yet."

Luke gasped. "I can still go back?"

"Of course." Ashton said. "But only if you try really hard."

"Then tell me how-" Luke stopped himself, staring at Ashton. He could literally feel the sadness radiating from him.

Instead of his sunshine radiating off him, it was melancholy.

"Actually, I'll stay."

Ashton sighed and smiled. "No, Luke. You aren't destined to stay with me."

"But, I want to stay with you."

"But can't."

Luke cried out in frustration. "I want to stay with you. I love you, Ashton."

"I love you too, but you don't love me the way I love you."

"Or you don't love me the same." Luke said. "Please, Ash. When you died I was trying to run back to you. I was lost with nothing, and I'm still running back to you if you could love me the same. I could let go of everything."

"No, Luke. You love someone else. You love Michael."

"Ashton, no I don't. Let me stay with you."

"Goodbye, Luke."

He felt a kiss on his forehead; the last kiss he'll ever receive from Ashton.

"Let your path unfold." Were the last words Ashton told him.

 

* * *

 

Luke had several stitches on his stomach that reminded him of that day.

As soon as he turned seventeen, he began to outgrow Michael and Calum. He still kept his lanky, small frame though.

Michael moved in with him and his family since his dad was put in jail for attempted murder and domestic abuse.

"Mikey?" He called into the empty room.

The running shower was heard, so Luke decided to wait for him. He entertained himself by reading through Michael's reading book.

He stopped reading though when he heard Michael singing in the shower.

"Cause I've got a jet black heart, and there's a hurricane underneath it, trying to keep us apart." He sang. Afterwards he began to hum loudly. Then he continued at a different place. "But now that I'm broken, now that you know it, caught up in a moment. Can you see inside?"

Luke didn't realize he dozed off until the bathroom door was opening, revealing a very confused Michael.

"I liked that song," Luke complimented him. "I never heard it."

"Uh, I wrote it." Michael said awkwardly, holding his bunched up dirty clothing.

"Is it about anyone?"

Michael shrugged. "It's kind of about you. I don't know. It's not finished." He walked over to the bed to throw his clothes into the hamper next to it and that's when Luke decided to strike.

He tackled him onto the bed, smothering him with hugs. "That is so cute, Mikey."

"It's not, really."

Luke giggled; it sounded like music to Michael's ears.

Michael rolled his eyes and got on top of Luke. He began to tickle him.

"Michael, stop!" Luke laughed and tried to squirm out from under Michael. "Mikeee- Ow!"

He stopped immediately when he heard Luke cry out in pain. "I'm sorry!"

"S'fine." Luke breathed out with watery eyes from laughing too hard.

Michael seemed to be staring at him or his nose or lips. He really didn't know until he felt a pair of lips moving against his.

"But these chemicals moving between us are the reason to start again." Luke said out of nowhere once Michael pulled back.

"What?"

"Just a suggestion for your song."

 

-

 

"So, are we, like, a thing?" Luke asked with a hint of a smile on his face.

"No." Michael said coldly an didn't meet Luke's gaze. "That kiss never happened."

Luke gasped, his eyes filled with disbelief. "What do you mean? It just happened yesterday, and you're going to deny it?"

"I shouldn't be with a guy, and you should still be crying over Ashton. It's just the way it goes. I can't have what I want."

"This is about your dad." Luke stated. "Michael, he's gone, he's in jail. And, yes I still love Ashton, but I know I have to have carry on, so I want to carry on with you. I'm in love with you just like I was in eighth grade."

Michael shook his head, silent tears tracking down his cheeks. "I can't, Luke. I'm sorry."

"No you aren't. You're just scared."

 

- 

 

Monday was horrible. Him and Michael seemed to clash almost every time they disagreed on sometime. When they disagreed, it would start off with quiet glares, bickering, then full on yelling. It reminded Luke too much of freshman and sophomore year.

"What's up with you and Michael?" Calum confronted him during their free period.

"Nothing." Luke lied.

Calum rolled his eyes which proved that he obviously did not buy it. "Then why are you two fighting like you did three years ago?"

"It's-" Luke let out a long sigh. "It's complicated."

"Luke," Calum urged. "I don't mind listening."

"Um, Michael and I kissed, and now he's saying that it didn't happen. He's in denial, but I don't blame him after what his dad's done. But it just hurts."

"I can talk to him." Calum offers. "I'll get you two lovebirds together."

"You really don't-"

Before Luke could finish, he's off walking to the other side of the room to Michael's table.

And he was left alone to stare at the distant bodies. Michael shook his head and also slammed his book onto the desk, earning a hush from a student. That wasn't a good sign.

Calum came back with a pout on his face. "It didn't work. He's being stubborn."

"It's fine, Cal. I have to figure it out on my own."

"Wait," He shushes Luke. "I have an idea that might have him fucking you against the wall by tonight."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, I have an idea that'll help you two make up slash make out."

"Okay but just- Mmm."

His words were muffled by Calum's lips crashing against his and for the moment Luke can't move or do anything. He hears surprised gasps from others in the room, and Michael in the corner of his eye, sending death glares towards him or Calum.

"Cal." He mumbled muffled through the kiss.

Finally he pushed him off. "Calum! What the hell."

The room door slammed shut. It was slammed by a pink haired boy. Michael.

"Calum." Luke whined. "You made him mad and made him run away."

"Just wait till you two get home."

 

-

 

He arrived home, waiting for Calum's prediction.

He entered his room, throwing his backpack onto the ground next to his desk. The room was strangely dark, dimly lit by a small lamp.

"Hey, Luke." Michael greeted darkly from the bed.

Luke jumped. "Geez, Michael. You scared me!"

He thought he saw Michael smirk in the dark. Before he could question, Michael was walking towards him shoving him against the wall roughly.

"You just let Calum kiss you like that?" Michael asked and placed rough kisses along his jaw.

Luke whined from the back of his throat as he granted Michael access to his neck. "I didn't-" He broke off with a moan as Michael bit down on his sweet spot. 

"You're a little slut, huh?" 

"I'm your slut, Mikey." 

Michael chuckled lowly, his mouth forming into a smirk. "Are you?"

"Yes I am, please do something to me. Punish me for being a bad boy." Luke practically begged. His voice cracked at the last words.

So he did, against the wall.

 

- 

 

The next morning, Calum texted Luke.

_See? I told you he would be fucking you against the wall._

When Michael pushed Luke against the wall, he accidentally butt dialed Calum.

 

* * *

 

 

Michael laughed as Luke spun around in the middle of _their_ new living room. It was cute and dorky of Luke to do so.

"This whole house is ours, Mikey?"

"Yeah, it's not much but-"

Luke engulfed Michael in hug, burying his face into the crook of his neck. "This is the best thing ever! We have just enough room to start a family if-" He cut himself short. "If you wanted to." Luke added sheepishly. "-With me."

"Of course I'd want to start a family with you, Lukey." Michael reassured him, rubbing his back to comfort him. "Just not right now, I'll give you the sign when it's the perfect time."

"When's the perfect time?" The blonde boy asked curiously.

"You'll see."

February never felt so right.

 

-

 

It was now July, edging towards Luke's birthday.

Luke waited in the coffee shop, unsure of himself, feeling emptier than he's ever been the past five years. Finally, the little bell above the glass entrance rang.

"Cal!" Luke waved him over to his table.

Calum smiled and walked over to him, taking a seat quietly. "Luke, long time no see."

"We met here two weeks ago, Calum."

"Oh, really?"

"I met Juliann."

"Oh!" Calum's mind lit up and a goofy grin broke out onto his face. "Right."

Juliann was Calum's girlfriend -- _fiancé_  for four years.

She was a nice young lady, Luke made up. She was small, only 5'0, but that's what Calum loved about her; that he was a foot taller than her. He loved that she was short and small -- petite.

"So, you wanted to talk to me about something?" Calum asked with a concerned look, his dreamy grin disappearing. "You said it was important."

"I-I think Michaels cheating on me." Luke said quickly. "He's been so distant, and he's barely home. And it also seems like he's hiding something from me."

"Luke," Calum began with a serious look on his face. "Michael is over the moon for you; always has been. There's no way in hell that he would be cheating on you, especially near your birthday and after he's bought a house for the both of you."

Luke shrugged, unsure. "What if he just wanted to crush me?"

Calum sighed. "You guys been together for six years. You honestly think he's going to throw that all away just to crush you?"

The silence urged Calum to continue. "You two have been together for more years than Juliann and I."

"I heard a couple breaks up when their in their 20's." Luke said with a frown. "I'm 22, almost 23. What if he decides to?"

"I will decide to beat the crap out of you." Calum warned. "Trust me, Luke. He's not cheating on you. Just wait."

 

-

 

Luke hoped Calum was right. It was now the morning of his birthday, and Michael wasn't next to him in bed. He usually was cuddled up against him, but he wasn't.

His phone vibrated suddenly. Luke picked it up and read it. It was from Michael.

_Follow the path, babe._

Luke sat up in bed and saw a rose trail on the ground.

He got out of bed and followed it just as Michael instructed. The trail continued down the stairs.

And there was Michael in a fancy suit, smiling at him brightly, like it's been the best morning ever.

"Mike-"

"Luke," Michael interrupted and stepped forwards, getting on one knee and pulled out a small black box that revealed a diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"

Luke couldn't stop the smile from rising on his face. "Of course I'll marry you!"

 

-

 

Christmas came upon them way too fast for their liking.

"Juliann." Calum sang. "I've got one more present for you."

"What?" She asked with a slight giggle.

Calum chuckled and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. "That kiss."

"I bet it was worth a fortune."

"Okay, okay," Michael interrupted. "Enough of this lovey stuff!"

"Be quiet, Michael. You always do lovey stuff with me, and they don't complain."

Once the party was over, and everyone opened their presents, Michael and Luke were left alone in their two-story house.

Luke collapsed onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling.

"Mikey?" He called.

"Coming!" Michael answered. "Preparing your present- I think."

Luke swore he heard Michael whisper a, "He's really nice." And a whimper that sounded like a small child.

Michael entered the room shortly. A child was hiding behind his back and peaking behind him with his big blue eyes.

"Luke, meet Ashton, our son."

And Luke couldn't stop the tears of joy that fell from his eyes as he walked towards Ashton and pulled him into a hug.

They were now a happy family.

 


End file.
